Day 35

 

29/11/2024 - Friday 

Saint Fatima - Heliopolis - Cairo  

I am sorry, it was a bad day. Nothing bad happened, but my mind! I woke up with 0 energy to do anything. I had breakfast with mom, then failed to do anything. Kept scrolling the draft, my notes, and the novel. Nothing works. I felt that I was in a deep need to cry or to selfharm. There were a lot of thoughts inside my mind. I wish, I could have more freedom, more move, feel more appreciated, known, anyone cares. Nobody cares if I am alive or dead. This blog, lol, nobody reads it. What am I doing here? I am still trapped in my mazes, I am still a loser. I am losing my final chance again. Everything is a lie. a lie. There is no forgiveness, there is no chance, what is a chance? what is an opportunity? what's love? what's security? what's belonging? and what's wasting? 

Did God forgive me? or he is still angry with me? Is there any chance for success, freedom or forgiveness? or am I just beyond the point of forgiveness? 

Is it an exile? or abandoned homeland? 

What should I do? why is darkness swallowing me again? or maybe.. maybe I am a liar, I was never fine. I am just pretending...........

Why am I writing that? Who am I inspiring?

I am neglected..................

forsaken...................

abandoned............................

forgotten...............